


Methods of Bathing

by toomanynames



Series: Surrounded by Spies [3]
Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bathing/Washing, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Cunnilingus, F/M, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Safewords, Shower Sex, Spanking, Vaginal Fingering, cuddling in a bathtub, physical closeness for comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-01-24 04:19:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanynames/pseuds/toomanynames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucas and his lady love work through his water issues together. He finds he really likes bathing with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bath Time

**Author's Note:**

> I figured I'd put out the majority of what I have already written for this now, and then add to it when I get chapters done. there may be four or five? probably five.
> 
> huge thanks to marci and jo, as always, and to everybody who's enjoying this series. I love you guys

It takes a few weeks before Lucas' bathing methods come up again. You haven't wanted to press the issue - you've helped him a few times since that night you came back home, and you've even joined in, the two of you scrubbing each other down and dripping all over the bathroom floor, and you think that maybe you can adapt to this. But that doesn't take away the desire to shower with him, and soak in the tub with him.

He's the one to broach the subject.

"I've been thinking," he murmurs into your hair.

It's one of your mutual days off, and you're stretched out on the sofa, nestled between Lucas' legs and lying back on his chest. The news is on low and you're reading a book. Lucas will sometimes read with you, or be distracting and nuzzle your ears and stroke your arms, or focus on the news, or doze off. He just likes being wrapped around you while he does it.

"Hmmm?" You stare at the page you're on, and then set the book aside. You've been rereading the last paragraph for at least five minutes, and your eyelids keep getting heavier. Rolling in Lucas' arms, you prop your chin on his chest and blink up at him.

"You... Seem to enjoy bathing me immensely," he continues, voice turning hesitant.

You frown thoughtfully, wondering where he's going with this. You hope it's not in a direction leading to it stopping. "Yes, I do. It's a great bonding experience, much like this right now, but more wet and soapy."

He smiles, brushing his fingers over your forehead and through your hair. "I want," he pauses, licking his lips nervously. "I want to try taking a bath. With you, I mean."

"Really?" You try not to sound overly excited at the idea; you don't want to make him feel bad for not being able to.

"Look at you, all lit up and wriggling like a puppy," Lucas chuckles, scritching his fingers over your scalp teasingly. "I won't lie and say it'll be an easy or pretty process."

You sober immediately, leaning up to kiss his chin. "I know," you say softly. "I don't know what all was done to you, but it's clearly still affecting you. It would be silly to think you could easily shove it all aside."

He relaxes under you and you realize he was expecting a different response. It makes you sad, that he's so conditioned to expect bad reactions to everything. Instead of commenting on it, you settle more comfortably against him, nuzzling up under his chin.

Wrapping his arms securely around you, Lucas shifts you both down the couch, enough that you're lying flat on the cushions. "I love you," he says softly, and you grin against his neck, feeling elated.

"Love you too," you murmur, and his arms tighten around you.

~

The first attempt, Lucas doesn't even get in the tub. You're already settled, waiting for him to join you, but all he does is stand there, staring at the water with wide eyes.

And then he turns around and leaves.

You sigh and trail your fingers through the water. Maybe you should drain it, and just take a shower.

Before you can move to do just that, the door opens and Lucas slips back in, now wearing pants, and slinks over to sit next to the tub, laying his head on the side. He heaves a huge, world-weary sigh.

"Sorry," he mumbles, glancing up at you.

"No, baby," you slide over to him, settling your hand on the back of his neck and squeezing lightly. "You don't need to apologize for this."

"It's getting in the way," he whispers, face buried in the crook of his elbow.

"Hey, c'mere." You pull at his neck and tug his hair until he lifts his head, and then you cup his cheeks and rest your forehead against his. "I will wait for however long it takes until we can take a nice long bath together, or however long it takes for us to shower together. If that never happens, then I will content myself with what we already have going."

He huffs. "That's hardly what you want -"

"I get to spend time with you and touch you a lot, _that_ is what I want." You shake him a little. "I would love to do that in the bath and or the shower, but I'm not going to up and leave one day because you can't get that far."

He looks at you for a long moment, and you keep eye contact, wanting Lucas to understand. Suddenly, the tension leaves him and he leans into you, gently rubbing his nose against yours.

"Is that what some of this has been about? You think I'll leave when your PTSD gets to be too much for me?" You rub the back of his neck, wanting to provide comfort.

Lucas looks at you guiltily and then away. You lightly tap his cheek until he looks at you again. "Honey, I've known you have PTSD. I've known for a while before you told me the truth."

"Why didn't you say anything?" He asks miserably.

"I didn't think it was my place to ask," you say, sliding your hands to where his neck meets his shoulders and kneading. "You would talk about it when you felt comfortable enough to, and until then I was going to help in any way I could. Or until I walked in on you contorting yourself just for a wash."

He winces, but you squeeze his shoulders and jostle him. "None of that. I'm glad you told me."

Lucas is quiet for a moment, and then his gaze turns almost shy. "It's comforting... To know I can confide in you."

You kiss his forehead, then down his nose to his lips. "I am always here for you, love."

He smiles and kisses you again, and then reaches for the soap. As he runs it over your skin, you tilt your head.

"Not gonna try coming in?" You ask, not pushing, just wanting to know where he's at.

With a shake of his head, Lucas presses his lips together and focuses intently on bathing you for a while. You're content to let him have his silence, but then he suddenly, quietly speaks.

"I'll try next time you want a bath. I think right now it's helping to just be next to it and focus on you." He tugs lightly at your hair, leaning over to kiss a clear patch of your soapy shoulder.

You smile brightly.

~

It takes a few more tries before Lucas makes it into the tub, but he ends up huddled in front of you, arms wound tight around his legs. He's muttering, but not in English. You bite your lip, unsure what to do.

"Lucas," you say softly, and he stops muttering. "Is... Is it okay if I touch you?"

He doesn't answer for a long moment, and then he nods. Immediately, you reach out and touch his back, pausing when he flinches. When he doesn't say anything, you continue, slower this time, running your hands up and over his shoulders and down his arms, until you're settled flush against him.

He stays tense and trembling for a while. Eventually, he gradually starts to relax. The longer you remain wrapped around him, stroking his arms, kissing his shoulders and nuzzling behind his ears, the more Lucas unwinds, until the last of the tension releases and he leans back into you.

"Hi, baby," you murmur against his neck, sliding your hands onto his chest and feeling the calming thump of his heartbeat.

"Hi," he mumbles, sounding embarrassed.

"It's okay," you say reassuringly, petting his chest. "Everything's okay."

Lucas grasps one of your hands, leaning his head against yours. "I'm beginning to figure that out."

For a few moments, neither of you says anything, merely leaning against each other and taking comfort from the closeness. Then you tap his chest to gain his attention.

"Soap, or do you want to soak for a while?" You ask, nuzzling up to his temple where you place soft kisses.

"Mmm, soap is fine," he murmurs, turning and tilting his head to kiss your mouth, squeezing your hand lightly.

"I need my hand," you say against his lips, your own twitching into a smile when he holds on tighter.

"You have two," he says back, and then kisses you again when you're about to respond.

You growl playfully into the kiss and pinch his side with your free hand. He laughs and tries to pull away, but he still has hold of you and you use it to your advantage. You snap your teeth at him, shuffling closer with the water sloshing all around you.

"No, don't, please," he mock-pleads, not even bothering to sound genuine. Plus, he twists his arm around behind your back and holds you to him.

Touching your teeth to Lucas' neck, you bite him lightly, shaking your head and growling. You then release him and nose up to his ear. "Got you."

He tightens his arm. "I think you'll find that I have actually got you, you vicious thing." He turns his head and kisses your ear, his voice deepening and going all throaty. "I think we should rush the washing so I can cart my prize off to bed and have my wicked way with her."

"Well, you better give me my other hand then, my darling captor," you respond, shivering at the sound of his voice. It never fails to get a rise out of you, and he knows it.

Despite his words about rushing, he hinders you more than anything - touching you in various places, stroking his fingertips over sensitive spots, twisting your hair around his fingers and tugging. It takes you twice as long to wash yourself and then him, but you don't mind.

You're glad that he's so open and tactile with you where moments before he was closed off inside his head. Glad that he's like this with you in general. He always has been, but there's a difference to how relaxed he is around you since he's told you.

With both of you cleaned and rinsed, Lucas reaches to drain the tub before standing and offering you his hand, helping you up and out and following close behind. The drying goes quicker, and then Lucas is wrapping his arms around you and picking you up, urging your legs around his waist as he carries you to bed.

~

After a couple of weeks, Lucas is able to get in the bath without flinching, but he's still at the arms wrapped around legs stage. He's gradually starting to stretch out a bit more, though.

"Is this even comfortable for you?" He asks one night as he's leaning against your chest, legs stretched out as much as they can be, with his head tipped back on your shoulder.

Your own legs are stretched out on either side of his, and you're tilted forward a bit so you both don't go falling backwards with his weight against you. You stroke your fingers along his belly, thumb catching the edge of his belly button. You hum softly, nuzzling his jaw. "I am extremely content."

He hums in thoughtful acknowledgement, absently rubbing his hands up and down your arms. He seems deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" The question comes out quieter than you meant, and you think at first that he didn't hear you, even with you so close.

But then he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Russia," he says, still sounding thoughtful. "And water."

You still for a moment, your heart thumping with discomfort, but you manage to dredge up a smile when Lucas makes a protesting noise at the halt of your petting. You resume, smile widening when he presses into your touch.

"What about them?" You ask tentatively.

He's silent for a while, and you're okay with that. If he doesn't want to share, or isn't comfortable with it, then he doesn't need to. You're still trying to get him to understand that, but he's taking this honesty thing very seriously. Not that you're not appreciative of that.

"It's not the bath itself," he starts quietly, settling his hands on your knees and stroking down your legs and back up. "The tub filled with water. It's not that. They never did anything with a tub."

"What did they do?" He tenses up at the same time you do, and you hurry to add, "You don't have to answer that, it just came out."

Lucas squeezes your knees, relaxing back against you. "It's okay." He's quiet, hands stroking you almost restlessly.

"Waterboarding and electric shock," he whispers, and as he continues, he relaxes further, some pent up tension finally releasing. You wonder how long he's been keeping this to himself, and you think probably since it happened.

"With the waterboarding, it was just my face, but it felt like being held under water until they decided to let me back up. The electric shock... I was sitting handcuffed on a metal frame. They'd dump cold water over me, ask me questions I couldn't or wouldn't answer, and then shock me."

Your hold on him tightens as he talks, and you move your hand up to his chest, feeling the reassuring thrum of his voice and the steady thump of his heart that tells you he's okay. He's here, and he's with you, and he's trusting you with something that you suspect he hasn't told another soul.

"It's just... That feeling, of being completely drenched and surrounded by water, and my brain makes a connection that says bath equals torture," he finishes, fingers now drawing absent designs and tapping out irregular patterns over your skin.

You lean your forehead against his cheek, thumb brushing his sternum. "If this is making you uncomfortable or worsening things, we don't -"

"No, it's good. If I was trying to do this alone, I'd end up accidentally drowning myself. With you..." He trails off, and then lifts up, turning so he's kneeling in front of you, and he cups your cheeks. "Working through it with you is giving me a positive association with regular methods of bathing. You're giving me back what they took from me."

You press your lips together tightly, feeling tears well up. Lucas' face falls. "Why are you crying? Don't cry, darling." He leans in and kisses your cheeks, your eyelids, your nose and lips, and then rests his forehead against yours. "Don't cry," he whispers.

Feeling your breath hitch, you swallow hard, but a few tears still leak out, and he brushes them gently away. "I can't help it, when you say things like that," you mumble, reaching out to set your hands on his waist.

"Should I... Should I not?"

"No, you _should_ , you definitely should. I want... I need to know I'm helping, and not just making it worse." You clutch him tightly, tilting up enough to brush your nose against his.

"You are helping, you're helping a lot." He pauses for a moment. "The water being hot helps immensely, as well."

"It's more luke warm, now," you say, more calmly.

Lucas pulls back, his hands sliding down to your neck and rubbing lightly. "Hmm, you're right. I suppose we should get out and find a nice warm bed to cozy up in."

"Cozy up in, or have sex in?" You push him back so you can stand.

He grips your hips and presses his mouth to your stomach, trailing kisses down. "Cozy up in, and then if that leads to it, have sex in." He flicks his tongue out, licking teasingly close to your clit before sitting back on his heels and grinning up at you.

"You." Grasping his chin, you bend down, biting at his lips before kissing him firmly. "Are following through on that."

"Oh, I plan to. I definitely plan to." His grin turns wicked and he stands suddenly, fitting his shoulder to your middle and effortlessly lifting you.

"Lucas!" You squeak, holding onto him tightly as he steps out of the tub and leaves the bathroom. Without drying off. "No no we'll get the bed all wet!"

"That's not all that'll get wet tonight," he says lecherously, and you can't help the laugh that leaves you.


	2. A Change in the Status Quo

You lean back in the tub, tapping Lucas' shoulder as you go. "C'mere," you say, hoping he's come far enough now that he can lie back against you, float with you as you hold him.

He peers at you over his shoulder and his brow furrows. "I don't know..."

"Your head won't go under at all, I promise." You bend your knees, squeeze his sides with them.

He chews his lip in indecision and you almost reach out in frustration to yank him down. But you know that would only make it worse, would probably set him back, not to mention destroy the trust between you. You've been going along at his pace, and it's been a pretty fast pace, considering. You don't want to ruin it.

Apparently coming to a decision, Lucas starts to lean back, but stops halfway. You reach up and lightly touch his back. "I'm right here."

His back is knotted with tension, and he's holding his breath. You frown and sit up, as far as his half-reclined state will allow. "Hey," you say in his ear, stroking your hands down his sides.

All at once, everything releases - the breath he's holding, his tense muscles, and you have to brace yourself so you don't go crashing backwards with him. You think for a terrified moment that he's passed out, but he drops his hand to your thigh and squeezes.

"Back," he murmurs quietly, and you guide the both of you down so you're resting how you wanted. His breath hitches with the water slipping between you, but you slide your hands to his chest and stroke him soothingly. He's always calmer when you do this, like a giant cat starving for attention.

"Was this your ultimate goal in getting me to bathe with you?" His voice is a soft murmur, and when you look at his face, his eyes are shut, muscles relaxed.

You press a kiss to the corner of his eye. "One of, yeah," you say, lips brushing his skin.

"Mmm, s'nice." He lifts his hand and settles it over one of yours, tangling your fingers together.

You hide your grin in his neck and pull his hand up so you can kiss his knuckles. "Wait'll you see what we can get up to in a shower," you whisper, nipping a knuckle.

He laughs and presses his mouth to your jaw, humming contentedly.

~

"Oh, this is different." You look at Lucas with interest as he lounges in the tub on his own. You'd told him to get the bath ready while you put left over dinner away. This is a very pleasant surprise.

He grins up at you while swirling his hands through the water. "I wanted to be the big spoon this time."

"Am I not a good enough big spoon?" You pout at him as you strip, fighting off a smile.

"Oh no," he breathes, watching you avidly. "You make a very lovely big spoon, darling."

"So lovely you just couldn't take it anymore, could you?" The smile slips free, but you stand next to the tub, arms crossed as you look down at him.

"I grew overwhelmed by your big spoon ways and needed a break. Come here." He reaches out, but can only brush his fingertips down your thigh while staying in his position. He gazes up at you beseechingly.

You sniff, but step into the tub, accepting his guiding hands as you sink down in front of him and lie back. A low hum of content rumbles against your back, making you smile. You tilt your head up, peering at Lucas. "Hello, big spoon."

He chuckles and wraps his arms around you, nuzzling a kiss against your temple. "Hello, little spoon."

~

"Wait, don't get up yet." You place your hand on Lucas' chest, not pressing or holding him back, but reenforcing your wish for him to stay as he is.

His brow furrows slightly, but he complies, relaxing back against the edge of the tub. You look him over critically, thinking on what you want to do, and then you reach behind yourself and pull the plug.

Lucas tilts his head and watches you curiously. When the level of the water lowers to the point you want it, gently lapping at the base of his cock, you re-plug the tub.

"What on earth are you doing?" He's confused and suspicious of your intentions, but he still parts his legs when you run your hands up his thighs.

"Don't worry, you'll really like it." You give him a cheeky grin and reach for the soap, thoroughly lathering up your hands.

When your hands are covered in slick foam, you set the soap aside and run a finger down Lucas' stomach, slowing your descent the closer you get to his cock. He hitches his hips closer to you, sucking in a breath as you very lightly circle his base and cup his balls.

"Ah, is this," he gasps, eyes rolling back as you squeeze him gently and let your fingers explore, the soap and water making everything slippery. "Is this further cleaning, or - ah! - or something else."

"Very much something else," you breathe, wrapping your other hand around his hardening cock and stroking up as you lean over him to give him a kiss.

He pants against your mouth, biting back whimpers as you touch him. You reluctantly pull away after only a few seconds of kissing, unable to remain leaning over him like this. And you want to watch as you take him apart with your hands.

You trail your fingers behind his balls, getting distracted by the wanton arch of his body and his bared throat, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. Unconsciously, you brush lower, further, and then you freeze at his sharp inhale and the small surprised sound he makes.

"Sorry, accident," you say guiltily, thinking there's a deeper meaning behind his reaction. You pull your hand back and place it on his thigh.

"No it's... It's fine, I wasn't expecting it." He looks at you clearly, pushing his cock through the circle of your hand. "I liked it."

"Oh." You blink, and then register what he's saying. " _Oh._ Do you... Do you want me to do it again?" You slide your hand back up his thigh, fingers teasing around his balls.

"Yeah," he breathes, and his thighs fall further open for you.

You swallow hard and shuffle closer, sitting back on your heels. Lucas watches you with half-lidded eyes. At the first brush of your fingers, he shudders, cock throbbing in your hand. You lick your lips and pump him slowly while you touch him, pressing with every pass, but not enough to press in, not yet. You want to see how much he wants it, first.

It doesn't take long.

Only a few short minutes, another pass of your fingers, and Lucas whines, his legs twitching. "Stop teasing," he pleads, tilting his hips.

"Okay," you manage to get out of your dry mouth. He's gorgeous like this, writhing under you and begging for your fingers. You don't know how he manages with you, if you look half as good as this.

Pressing one finger against him, you push in, going slow and watching for signs of discomfort. He sighs and moves his hips, taking more of you. You press as far in to him as you can, smiling at his hum, and slowly drag your finger back out. It should be fairly easy to find his -

"Oh god," he gasps, hips bucking.

You grin triumphantly and spend some time with his prostate, seeing what kind of touch affects him more, until he's a bucking, pleading, wild mess. He keens with loss when you pull out, but you're quickly back with two fingers, pushing against him, into him, and his breath hitches at the stretch.

You pause, peering into his glazed eyes. "Okay?"

"Uhn," he says, his voice rough from all the moaning he's been doing. You push deeper, both fingers grazing his gland, and he garbles out a choked, "Hnrrgh."

"I'll take that as a 'more please, darling love of mine,'" you chuckle, and he seems to hum in agreement as he arches.

Now that you've had your exploration and rendered him incapable of speech, you bend to the task of bringing him off. Tightening your fist around his cock, you give him long strokes while thrusting your fingers into him. He clutches at the sides of the tub, pushing onto your fingers and up into your hand, his breathing ragged and broken up by desperate moans and whimpers.

Rubbing your thumb over the sensitive spot just under the head of his cock brings him right over the edge. He throws his head back, knocking it against the edge of the tub, and lets out a long, loud moan as he tightens around your fingers and his cock jerks, shooting come across his stomach.

You watch him greedily, feeling the twitching and fluttering from the inside, and you twist your hand around his cock, milking him for every last drop. When he mewls in discomfort, you let him go, pulling your fingers from him at the same time.

He blinks open bleary eyes and tries to lift his head, grunting when he can't. You're already clambering into his lap, rubbing against him as he heaves for breath. His shaking arms wrap around you, and Lucas holds you close and presses his mouth to your neck, panting against your skin.

When he's recovered enough to string words together, he asks you, "What do you need, beautiful?"

"Anything," you moan, impatient now that he's back with you.

"Will fingers do?" He brushes said fingers down your side, angling in at your hip.

"Yes, that'll do nicely." You push up so he can fit his hand between you, and your breath hitches at the first graze of his fingertips.

A surprised sound of interest leaves Lucas and his spent cock twitches. "God, you are _dripping._ "

You shift into his touch, and he obligingly slides right in, his long, thick fingers touching you perfectly. With a shudder, you lean down, bracing yourself on the edge of the tub, and your sounds of pleasure fall right into his ear.

"Can't help it," you pant, moaning shakily as he circles your clit with his thumb. "You looked so good falling apart under my hands."

He gives a pleased rumble and runs his free hand up your back to tangle in your hair, pulling your head back so he can nip along your jaw with ease. "Felt really good too."

"Yeah, it... It looked like it." You swallow hard, groaning when he licks along the bob of your throat.

"You can do it again," he growls, pulling his slick fingers from you and sliding them further back. "Maybe I can return the favor?" He presses in the tiniest bit, and a strangled sound leaves you. "Maybe you'll even let me put my cock in your ass, do you wanna do that?"

"Anything! Anything, I'll do anything with you, Lucas, please let me come now," you beg, moving back against his fingers.

"Later," he says, moving his fingers back to your cunt and driving them into you, making you buck and cry out. "We'll explore that later. I want to feel your pussy clench around my fingers now."

His thumb rubs your clit and your breath catches in your throat. Your thighs quiver, shaking with the beginnings of orgasm.

Lucas brushes his lips over your ear. "Come for me, love," he whispers, and scrapes his teeth down the shell of your ear.

You moan loudly, nearly screaming, and clench tight around his fingers, riding out the waves of your climax against his hand. He loosens his hold on your hair and you drop your head to his shoulder, shivering with aftershocks as he strokes down your spine.

Slowly, he pulls out of you, brushing up your stomach and around your side before sweeping down to your thigh. You hum, arching into his petting, and rub your face against his shoulder before tucking into his neck.

A few quiet moments pass, the two of you nuzzling and stroking and basking in afterglow. Then Lucas shifts, and you shiver as the water moves against you.

"Water's cold now," he comments, running his warm hands up your sides.

"We should move to the bed, where it's warmer." You stretch against him and then push up, stopping to rub your nose against his.

"And more comfortable for cuddling," he says, kissing you lightly before sitting up.

You both clean up what mess is still clinging to skin, and then clamber out of the tub to dry each other off. He hisses when you drag a towel over his head.

"Oh." You smile sheepishly as you gently prod the back of his head, feeling around. There's a very slight bump. "Sorry."

He shakes his head and kisses your fingers. "Don't be. It'll be a reminder for how hard you made me come."

You shiver and swallow hard. "Hopefully I don't give you more similar reminders; I don't want to damage you."

He cups your cheek and kisses you slowly. "Such exquisite damage, though," he murmurs against your mouth.

"I hardly see how potentially leaving you with a concussion could be exquisite, but okay," you respond, reaching up to tug roughly at his hair. "I think I'd rather leave a different sort of reminder of your wonderful orgasms."

"Care to demonstrate?" His eyes darken as he looks at you.

You grin at him, delighted that he seems to be ready for more. Usually he needs longer to recover. "I will gladly demonstrate, once we get ourselves comfortable in a very cozy bed."

You take his hand and lead him away, and he follows along eagerly, threading his fingers through yours.


	3. An Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note the addition of tags. this chapter is completely explicit kinky sex

You slowly come awake to the feel of lips and fingertips trailing up your bare back. You hum and press into the contact.

Lucas had called earlier, telling you to strip and be naked on the bed by the time he comes home, and to have lube ready. Knowing he'd taken a break to make the call in private, you'd asked him what he planned on doing with lube and your naked body, and he'd gone into such elaborate detail that you couldn't help yourself from bringing yourself off with your own fingers and his husky voice in your ear.

You'd intended on smiling coyly at him over your shoulder when he walked in, but apparently he'd been held up and you'd dozed off.

A kiss is pressed to your shoulder, and then Lucas nuzzles at your ear. "Hello, love," he murmurs, and you smile at the pet name. "We can just go to sleep if you want. I know it's late."

You squirm around until you're facing him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "I came twice more after your phone call," you say, leaning in to kiss him. "I don't care how late it is."

He moans into your mouth, lifting a hand to cup the back of your head. "I didn't think you'd be so into trying this."

"Well," you say, a slow grin spreading across your face. You stroke a finger down the side of his neck. "The choking thing turned out to be a hit. And I like trying new things with you."

He smiles and kisses you again, and you lie there curled together for a while, kissing and touching. He pulls away after a few long, unhurried moments, sweeping his hand down your spine.

"Get comfortable, darling," he whispers, kissing your cheek before moving away.

He grabs a pillow and taps your hip as you're rolling back to your stomach. "Up," he says, and when you obligingly lift your hips, he slides the pillow under you.

It puts your ass on display, and you wiggle it a little, giving him that coy look now. Lucas grins and gives one cheek a light smack, tilting his head when you gasp. He shuffles closer, between your legs, gently kneeing your thighs apart.

For a moment, all he does is run his hands over your lower back and down over your ass and back up. Then he delivers a slightly harder smack to the cheek he'd just hit.

"God," you choke out, bracing your knees on the mattress to offer your ass more.

"Mmm, wanting a spanking tonight, are we?" Again, he strokes his hands over your ass, squeezing and letting go. "Have you been a naughty girl today?"

You muffle a laugh into your pillow, and then you're biting it in the next instant because Lucas spanks you again, harder, on the other side. A shudder goes through you. You're not sure where this situation is leading, but you're so turned on that you don't care where it goes.

"Should I spank you til your ass is cherry red, and then fuck you? I think I might do that." Lucas' voice is low, his breathing a little fast. You let out a little moan. You love it when he's so affected by what you're doing, or what he's doing to you.

You lift your ass up, eagerly anticipating the next hit. Except when it comes, your breath catches and you reach back to grab his wrist. "Ow."

Immediately, he bends over your back, kissing over your shoulders. "Sorry," he murmurs, running his fingers lightly over the offended area. "Too much?"

"I like it," you insist, squeezing his wrist before letting go. "Just... Maybe not so hard?"

"Of course." He leaves one last kiss between your shoulder blades and then moves down, pressing gentle kisses to your abused cheeks.

You bury a ridiculous grin in the pillow as he lavishes attention on your smarting, reddened skin, hands petting and lips pressing more than kissing. Then he stretches over you again, only he's reaching for the nightstand and the bottle of lube you'd set there. You wiggle again, rubbing against his still clothed erection.

He presses against you briefly and then moves away. The clink of his belt sounds a second later, and then his zipper, and then a rustle and thump as everything slides down to the floor.

Just listening to him undress excites you further and you close your eyes, biting your lip when you hear more rustling. The creak of bed springs and dip of the mattress as he climbs back on, and then you jump when he touches you, his hands gliding up your thighs and over your hips, around to your ass and up your back.

A breathy moan leaves you. He bends to kiss the small of your back, lingering, and then he kneels between your thighs and you hear him pop open the lube. A shiver races down your spine. You try to keep your breathing calm as he shifts.

"Relax, darling," he murmurs, petting your hip.

"I'm relaxed," you say, but you squeak when his slick fingers slide down your crack and caress you.

He chuckles, continuing to stroke your hip as he moves his fingers. It starts with him spreading the lube, slowly circling your rim until you move back against him. It feels good, his fingers slippery on your skin, pleasure starting to curl through you.

He gently begins pressing, easing the tip of one finger into you. The sensation is a little strange. This is the first time you've ever done this, and you're glad it's with Lucas; he's always known just how to handle you, and now you're exploring things together.

You hum and press back, taking more of his finger. It sounds like his breathing picks up, and then he's pressing against your back and kissing your ear.

"You are so beautiful," he says, voice rough. He pulls his finger out, and then pushes back in, his other fingers tracing where you're stretched around him. "I'm going to open you up so slow, until you're begging for my cock."

"Lucas," you moan, shifting restlessly as you grow used to the slide of his finger in and out of you. "More, give me more."

"Yeah," he breathes, teasing a second finger around your rim. He pulls his finger out, and then rubs two against you, dipping in and then retreating and then pressing in further.

Your breath catches in your throat and you tense up for a moment. He waits, kissing your shoulder, and when you relax again he pushes in more. His fingers feel thicker in your ass, but it still kind of feels good. He shifts, you hear a snick, and then you gasp as cold surrounds his fingers and drips down to your cunt.

"Sorry," he murmurs, pulling his fingers out and then sliding in easier.

"It's - oh!" You gasp again when he twists his fingers and pumps them a little, still frustratingly slow. You squirm, trying to shove back onto his fingers.

He sits up and smacks your ass. It makes you squeak and clench around him. He groans. "I said slow, darling. I'll not be rushed."

"Lucas," you whine, burying your face in the pillow when he slows further, dragging his fingers from you until only the tips are inside. You let out a frustrated moan that turns to pleasure when he pushes back in.

"God, I love how you say my name," he says, and seems to reward you with quicker movements, moving his thumb down to brush against your cunt.

You whimper and move against him, words leaving you for all the pleasure he's giving you. You clench again around his fingers just to hear him moan.

"Can I make you come like this?" He asks, sounding breathless. He shifts and his cock brushes your thigh, hot and hard and leaking. "With only my fingers in your ass?"

You're certainly willing for him to try. You moan for him, encouraging with your sounds and your body. He lets out a growl and moves his fingers faster, harder, twisting them within you.

It brings you close but not quite over and you whine desperately, twisting the sheets around your hands and bucking in his hold. You think maybe if he keeps his fingers where they are, you can grind out your orgasm.

But then he shifts, hushing you when you cry out, and his hand pushes your thighs further apart. You start to push up to look behind you, wondering what the hell he's doing, and then his tongue swirls around your clit and licks up to his fingers.

"L-Lucas!" You shudder hard, tightening around him, and then you start to come as he does it again.

He pauses at your cunt and shoves his tongue in, moaning against you as you shake through your orgasm. He pulls away when you're still twitching, lapping at you, and he tugs his fingers free at the same time.

A tiny sound of loss leaves you and Lucas chuckles, leaning over you again. "You are exquisite, love," he murmurs in your ear, nipping along the edge.

You hum and twist, wanting a kiss. He grins against you as he obliges. "You taste like lube," you complain, but still lick into his mouth and nip at his lip.

"Such is the hazard of licking lubed parts." He kisses you again, still grinning.

"Shut up and put your dick in me," you grumble, reaching back to take him in hand.

He snorts breathlessly against your cheek as he rolls his hips, thrusting shallowly against your hand. "Patience, darling."

His fingers slide to your ass again, caressing over your skin and then dipping down between your cheeks. It's three fingers he rubs against you now, circling slowly before pressing in.

It burns a little, briefly, as you stretch to accommodate him. He rubs his face against your shoulder, stubble scratching, and you shiver and feel yourself relax further. His groan rumbles through your back.

You flex your thighs, shifting back, and he starts thrusting his hand. You still have a hold of him so you move your hand, stroking to the tip and twisting back down, matching his pace in you. He gives harder when you touch his balls and lightly scratch around his base.

When you're both panting heavily, you squeeze him and let go. "Lucas, Lucas now," you plead, nudging up to mouth at his jaw.

"Is this how you beg for cock?" He tries to sound unimpressed, but his voice is strained and breathless. You clench deliberately around his fingers and he groans deep in his chest.

His fingers twist and you give in. "Please, Lucas. I want your cock, please, _please._ "

"That's much better," he breathes, and slowly pulls his fingers from you.

The lube is opened once more, and then a moment later Lucas takes hold of your hips and presses against you. He waits for you to take a deep breath, pushing in when you slowly exhale.

Your breath catches. It burns, not necessarily bad. Lucas pauses periodically, waiting for you to adjust, his hands stroking your thighs. When his hips touch yours you blow out a breath, shifting on your knees. He feels huge in you, bigger than you're used to.

He presses harder against you before starting to pull out, and a strangled sound leaves you. He goes still but you shake your head, panting into the pillow. "It's okay, keep going," you say, reaching back to squeeze his wrist.

"Are you certain?" He asks, concern wrapped around his words.

"Lucas," you growl, squeezing his wrist again and clenching around him.

Lucas lets out a startled grunt and thrusts back in, making you cry out at the sudden movement. It doesn't really hurt, but it doesn't quite feel good, either. You want to wait before telling Lucas to stop, though. You want to see if it's better once you're used to his girth.

He hesitates still, hands twitching on your hips. You move your hand to twine your fingers with his, holding on as you move experimentally back against him. He groans deeply, fingers spasming around yours, and then he starts to slowly thrust, pulling nearly all the way out before pushing forward again.

The burn quickly fades, leaving only pleasure and the feel of Lucas as he moves. You move with him, driving your hips back when he thrusts in. He chokes out a curse and grips you tighter, thrusting harder.

The room fills with your moans and groans, whimpers and grunts, your hips smacking together, your heavy, rapid breathing. Lucas wraps his arm around you and pulls you up, then slides his hand to your throat. You moan when he tightens his hand, enough to restrict your breath a bit but not cut it off.

"You remember our safe-word, love?" He murmurs in your ear, his thumb sweeping once the length of your neck.

"Mmmnnuh. Uh huh," you reply, biting your lip when Lucas buries himself in your ass and pauses there.

"And what is it?"

"Ransom," you breathe, whimpering when he nips at your jaw and gives you another thrust.

His hand tightens briefly and then loosens. "Good girl," he says roughly, and proceeds to fuck you.

His hand across your throat emphasizes the vibrations when you moan, and it makes you moan louder, enjoying the feel of it and the constriction of his hand and knowing it's driving Lucas wild like your sounds always do. You reach around to grip his hair, tugging to hear him growl and get him to thrust harder.

He untangles your other hands, moving yours to your chest. You obligingly start playing with your nipples, whining at the added stimulation. His free hand slides down your side to your ass, and he squeezes your cheek lightly before letting go. A second later, his hand slaps against your skin.

You gasp at the sting of it and he tightens his hold on your neck, cutting off the airflow. Your heart pounds against your ribs, your throat and his thumb, in your head. He spanks you again, making you jerk and clench around him.

He groans in your ear. "You know just how to please me, don't you darling," he pants, grip slackening to let you gasp for breath. "Pulling my hair, moaning so sweetly, your body clenching around my cock." Another spank, drawing a sharp cry from you. He does it again and you shout his name. "God, yes. I love that. Love when you say my name. When you scream it while I'm fucking you, and you murmur it quietly in my ear while we're curled together in bed, or the bath, or on the sofa... Fuck."

He shudders hard against you, his pace quickening. You can feel the throbbing of his cock and know he's close to coming. You pull roughly at his hair, grinning when he chokes a laugh against your cheek. He spanks you once more, moaning right after you, and then he moves his hand to your front, his fingers slipping over your clit.

"Lucas!" You cry his name again, gripping his hair tightly and moving your other hand to his wrist.

He snaps his hips into yours, swirling around your clit. Your mouth drops open with a harsh, garbled sound. "That's it, darling," he growls, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. "Say my name like a good girl."

Obediently you breathe out his name, your breath catching when his hand tightens over your throat again. He hisses _yes_ in your ear and his thrusts grow erratic, stuttering against you. Heart thudding frantically, you grind against his hand, a tiny sound eking out of you as you shake into orgasm.

Lucas immediately releases your throat, groaning as you pant harshly. His arm wraps around you and he holds you tightly to him, thrusting once, twice more before pressing hard against you. He moans against your cheek as his cock pulses within you.

He's still breathing heavily when he eases you back down and carefully pulls out. You wince a bit at the drag, but hum contently when he kisses the small of your back. You reach back, wiggling your fingers.

Lucas kisses your palm but moves your hand to the mattress. Then he leans down to kiss your ear. "Let me clean up first, love."

You sigh but nod, grumbling when he chuckles. Shifting to get more comfortable, you shove the pillow out from under you, lying flat out on your stomach. It'd be easy to fall asleep like this, and you're well on your way there when the mattress dips and Lucas slides up beside you.

"My darling girl, all fucked out," he says affectionately, laughing when you halfheartedly reach to swat at him.

"You just wait for your turn," you mumble as he strokes a wet cloth over your skin, wiping away sweat and semen and your own fluids. He tosses the cloth and pulls you into his arms, curling around you.

"Hmm, I can't wait." He kisses your forehead and then settles against you. A sigh leaves you as you relax and slip into sleep, content in Lucas' embrace.


	4. It's Only a Shower

"You're sure you're ready for this?" You ask gently, eyeing Lucas where he stands in the doorway of the bathroom. "It's fine if we just stick to baths."

He shakes his head, swallowing and stepping into the room. He flinches when you turn the water on and switch it to shower. "No, I... I want to do this. For me."

"Okay." You hold your hand out to him. "Come here."

Hesitating only briefly, he takes your hand and follows your tug, coming right up to you. You smile at him and sling your arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his chest. "I'm right here."

He takes a deep breath and nods, leaning in to touch his forehead to yours. "I know," he whispers, wrapping his arms over your shoulders. He kisses your nose, then rubs his own against it before pulling back. "You first."

Giving him a smile and a soft kiss, you step away and into the tub. You'd pointed the shower head as far down as it would go, so the spray would cover as little space as possible. You test the temperature, adjust until it's how you like it, and then turn back to Lucas.

He's watching you carefully, almost concerned. You offer a reassuring smile and hold out your hand again. His eyes flick from the shower spray hidden by the curtain to your hand and back again. He takes a deep breath, lets it out in a rush, and takes your hand.

You patiently wait for him as he hesitates and then slowly steps in after you, his whole body tense. "It's alright, Lucas. Just a shower. The water is warm."

You see him mouth 'just a shower' as he edges closer to you, his eyes fixed over your shoulder. Your heart aches to see him like this, that it's necessary to recondition him. It makes you feel violent and protective, and you know if you were trained like he is you'd seek retribution. You want blood for what they did to Lucas.

The thirst for revenge is startling and you shake the thoughts away. When you focus on him, you realize Lucas is watching you, his head tipped to the side. He reaches up and brushes his fingers over your brow, smoothing it out.

"Why are you frowning so fiercely?" He asks, his touch lingering.

Sucking your lower lip into your mouth, you debate on telling him, but you don't want to keep your thoughts from him. You both agreed there wouldn't be secrets. "I... I'm angry," you start haltingly, brow furrowing again under his fingertips. "For what they did to you. I want them to suffer for it."

He frowns back at you, but then smiles slightly, cupping your cheek and kissing you. "I'm sure my torturer did suffer before he eventually died. Harry killed the man who ordered the torture."

"Good," you say vehemently, blinking away sudden tears. He brushes his thumbs under your eyes and you sigh.

He grins and kisses your forehead, murmuring softly, "I love you so much."

You smile and lean into him. "Why, because I wish pain and suffering upon those who've hurt you?"

"Mhm, that's the big one right now." He nuzzles your temple, twisting his fingers into your hair and tugging lightly.

"Ridiculous," you mumble, running your hands up and down his sides, biting back a grin when he smiles against your skin.

"Okay," he says, pulling away. "Let's do this."

You look him over, noting the determined set to his jaw, the tense set to his shoulders. You hope he isn't about to dive in too far at once. Walking backwards, you reach up to adjust the head again so the spray goes out a little further.

Lucas jumps when water hits his toes, but he quickly relaxes. He slowly inches towards you, letting the water land higher up his body. It might be helping that you're blocking some of the water.

He makes it to you, looking a little jumpy, but mostly okay. You smile and take his hands, squeezing lightly. "You made it."

"Do I win anything?" He smiles, a little tremulously, but squeezes you back, swinging your arms back and forth.

"That depends on the prize you want," you say cheekily, tipping your chin up.

His eyes dip to your lips and he licks his own. "A kiss?"

You scrunch up your nose and pretend to think about it. "Only one?"

Leaning in, Lucas hums contemplatively, brushing his nose against yours. "Maybe more than one."

"Greedy," you murmur, giving him a quick peck. He whines against your lips, making you laugh. "You didn't say what kind of kiss."

" _Real_ kisses," he stresses, pulling back to pout at you. "With tongues. And maybe some biting."

"Oh, feisty are we?" You wait a long moment, until Lucas fidgets impatiently, and then you lean up and kiss him properly, with tongues and biting like he wants.

He hums into it, sliding his hands up your arms to cup your neck. You're content to kiss him for a while, warm water cascading down your back and Lucas at your front. The washing can wait a bit.

~

It's a few showers before Lucas tries putting his head under the spray. You've been rinsing shampoo from his hair with a drenched cloth, being careful not to trigger anything. It'd be simpler in the spray, but you don't mind helping him, happy to keep him comfortable. But he wants to go further.

It starts out like the past few showers have gone. You get in first, then he does, he gradually edges further under the spray, and then he waits for a while, his hands rubbing up and down your arms. You look at him, his gaze turned inward. You can't tell what he's thinking.

Gently patting his sides brings him back to you and he nods. "Okay. Okay. I'm.... I'm gonna do this."

Still, he hesitates, and all you can do is touch him to let him know you're here for him, ground him in the present. He nods again, slowly, and lightly moves you to the side so he can step further under the water. You think maybe he should back into it instead, so it doesn't hit his face, but it's too late to change now.

He clutches your hand tightly as he goes under. A moment passes, and then he flinches violently and gasps, inhaling water. He rears back, coughing and gulping at the air. Fear grips you as he backs away, and then he slips and you shout as he goes down hard to his knees.

"Shit shit shit," you mutter frantically, immediately shutting off the water and then spinning back to him.

He's still coughing and gasping, but it sounds like sobs are mixed in with it. You drop down in front of him, feeling helpless as he clutches his head and shakes. You don't know what to do.

Taking a chance, you hesitantly reach out, your hand hovering over his shoulder. "Lucas. Lucas, I'm going to touch you, okay? Let me - let me know if that's not okay."

He doesn't respond, either too wrapped up in his own head or unable to respond. You lightly touch him, biting your lip when he flinches away. No touching, then.

You try to keep calm, though you feel like you're about to fly apart with panic. "Lucas. It's me, you're okay, you're home. You're in London, this isn't Russia, or a prison. You're safe."

His spluttering peters out, but his breathing is harsh, broken up with hitches and a few coughs. You slide the tiniest bit closer to him, wanting to reach out but not wanting to set him off again.

"You're safe, Lucas," you say again, a slight tremble in your voice. "Baby, everything's alright." Remembering him telling you how much he loves you saying his name, you repeat it, keep saying it, peppered with reassurances.

You reach out again, and he still flinches, but then he falls against you, grasping at you desperately and burying his face in your neck. Wrapping your arms around him, you breathe a small sigh of relief, combing your fingers through Lucas' hair. He shudders, gulping in air. A strangled whimper leaves him and you feel tears slide down your skin.

"Let it out," you whisper, holding him close and petting and stroking him. "Don't hold it in, Lucas, you don't have to hold it in. Let it go, baby."

He trembles, another mangled sound leaving him, and then he lets loose, great, wracking sobs muffled against your neck. You hold him through it all, murmuring to him, not entirely aware of what you're saying but hoping it helps.

~

You manage to separate from Lucas long enough to fill the tub halfway, and then you lean him back against the back of the tub and slide into his lap. He holds you close, his eyes shut as you press slow, gentle kisses all over his face.

He sighs and tightens the embrace. "I'm sor -"

You place your fingers over his mouth and shake your head when his eyes flicker open to look at you. "Don't apologize for this. You don't need to apologize."

He looks uncertain, so you move your hand and kiss him lightly, reaching up to stroke your thumb over his eyebrows. He sighs again, tension melting out of him. It makes you smile.

"I've always been a bit amazed that this over anything else comforts you most," you say softly, ruffling the hair of one eyebrow before smoothing it back out.

"It's weird - different. Unexpected," he responds, eyes slipping closed again.

"Hmm." You're silent for a moment, thoughtful. "Petting your chest and saying your name get the same results. If I do all three you're putty in my hands."

Lucas smiles slightly, moving his hands up your sides. His thumbs brush the outer curve of your breasts. "The touches ground me," he murmurs.

You have a pretty good idea why he likes it when you say his name, but you want to be sure. "And the name thing... That's because of... Of who you were before and Vaughn, right? The man in Dakar and who ruined you two years ago?"

He nods, expression turning pained. His breath hitches when he breathes deep, and you know he's about to confess something. "I... When we met I was still... People never said it right, Lucas, like... I kn-know it wasn't always my name, but it became mine, it was mine for fifteen years, and then Vaughn... Harry made sure it could still be me, when I was in rehab."

Lucas glances at you, uncertain all over again, afraid. You settle into his lap because you're not going anywhere. You came back after he told you he was a spy, that he'd killed people and stolen a name. You know now that you won't leave again.

He hesitantly continues. "I was in rehab for a year, therapy during most of it, after I decided who I was. Nobody ever said my name like it was mine, even though they were trying to help me be that name. And then... Then you came along, and you say it so naturally, you always have, whether you're happy or sad or angry."

"It's your name," you say a bit helplessly. "Before... I just thought it was one of those things, you know? You like how some people say your name because it feels right, but when other people say it you hate it, because they say it wrong or you just don't like them. I like how you say my name."

He says it now, murmurs it as he sits up, wrapping his arm around your waist and cupping your cheek. He whispers it again, against your lips just before he kisses you. It makes you tremble, how he says it so reverently, cherishing your name as much as he cherishes you. You understand it a bit better now.

Wrapping your arms around his neck you press as close to him as you can get, sliding your tongue against his and moaning as his cock rises against you. "I love you," you breathe into his mouth, lifting up and shifting before sinking down again, his cock sliding into you. "I love you so much."

His breathing grows shaky as he holds you to him. Right now it's not really about finding release, it's being as close as you can be, arms wrapped around each other and kissing occasionally, but mostly you rest your forehead against his, shift to wrap your legs around his waist. You can't imagine your life without him, without this.


	5. We've Come So Far

Lucas insists that he can continue trying the showers. He still has bad reactions to the water on his face, but not nearly as bad as the first time. You hate seeing him in pain, emotional or not, but he's determined, and so you offer what comfort you can.

You manage to progress to him turning it on and getting in first, and he even handles being left alone for a few minutes, but soon as he ducks under the spray, he's right back out again, leaning against the shower wall and shivering. You move to shut off the water, like you have every other time, but he reaches out and grabs your wrist, shaking his head when you look at him.

"Leave - leave it on," he mumbles, a shudder going through him.

"Lucas, I think you're pushing yourself too hard," you say quietly, but you leave the water on and instead come up behind him, stroking his sides and kissing his shoulder blade.

With the water still running, you think it'll take him longer to come down, but he calms fairly quickly under your touch. He sighs and then turns, draping his arms over your shoulders and burying his hands in your hair.

"I need to," he starts, but you shake your head and frown at him.

"I know you want to be over it now, but you're trying to force it and you're doing too much too soon. The bath was easy, I think, because you weren't actually submerged when you were tortured. This is different."

Lucas scowls and pulls away. You think he'll get out and storm off to stew for a while, but he only looks away from you, jaw clenching angrily. You wait him out, crossing your arms over your chest and watching him.

After a few minutes of him avoiding your gaze, he blows out a heavy breath, his shoulders losing some of their tension. He scrubs his hand through his hair.

"I just..." He lets out a growl and pulls on his hair. "I hate that... That you have to see me like that. Like this."

"Like what? Like any other person who's gone through some really fucked up shit?" You reach for him and pull him down, his forehead touching your shoulder and your hand on the back of his neck. "You don't have to hide this from me."

He rubs his face against your shoulder. "I want to do normal things with you," he says plaintively.

"We do normal things all the time." Squeezing his neck, you kiss his ear. "There isn't anything abnormal about letting your girlfriend help you work through some issues."

"Why are you always so reasonable?" He grumbles, lifting his head enough to rest it against yours. He slides his hands back into your hair.

You grin and press kisses to his cheek bone. "Because I'm a reasonable person. Here, I think your body needs to know that showers can mean more than just getting clean."

You nudge him away, against the wall, and then sink to your knees, rubbing your hands up and down his thighs. He stares down at you in surprise, his mouth half open. Maybe you should have done something like this sooner; it had certainly helped where the bath was concerned.

His hands are still in your hair, and they tighten when you lean forward to brush your lips over his cock. As you take him into your mouth, you hope you can convince him to slow down with the showers.

~

Lucas determinedly pulls you into the bathroom and starts the shower. "I want to try something," he says, plucking at your shirt and lifting his eyebrows.

"Okay," you say slowly, a little puzzled by how eager he is. You start to tug off your clothes, smiling when he doesn't move for a moment, watching you strip. "You planning on getting your clothes wet?" You ask teasingly.

He starts and colors slightly before whipping off his clothes. He's almost vibrating with energy. You tilt your head, looking at him curiously.

"Everything alright?" He tugs you closer to the tub and waits for you to get in before following, moving you under the spray and reaching over you to adjust the shower head.

"Yeah," he says distractedly, bobbing his head in a nod. "Yeah, everything's fine. You gave me an idea the other day and I want to see if it works."

Though you're worried for the outcome of his experiment, you're intrigued. You wonder which day he's talking about, if he means past showers or something you said during the day. You want to ask, but it's not long before you'll find out so you wait, his excitement infecting you.

You stare in shock when he drops to his knees before you. Now you know what gave him the idea. He shifts you until the water hits you in a way that has it cascading down your front, and then he leans forward and wraps his hand around the back of your thigh. He looks up and tugs lightly at your leg. Once you steady yourself, he pulls your leg up to rest on his shoulder.

"Oh," you breathe, placing one hand on the wall and burying the other in his hair.

Offering you a smile, Lucas presses a kiss to your inner thigh, slowly moving up to your pussy. His breathing is easy as he laps at you, the water falling past his jaw. He has his eyes shut, you think to focus better on you.

He licks up to your clit, circling teasingly before he seals his mouth over it and sucks. You yelp and tug roughly on his hair, your leg tightening over him. If this is what he needs to help with showers, then you certainly won't complain. In fact you'll selfishly encourage it.

A shudder runs through you and you arch into his mouth, moaning when he slides down to tease at your cunt, wiggling side to side before he stiffens his tongue and plunges into you. You let out a sharp cry and shake against him, close already.

A low moan vibrates through your folds and he slurps back up to your clit, running the flat of his tongue over it until you come. He seems determined to give you more than one because he holds you to him and keeps working your clit. You clutch him tightly and drop your head down to look at him.

" _Lucas_ ," you breathe, and he opens his eyes to look up at you. His gaze is hot, scorching in its intensity. He keeps his eyes open this time as he brings you off, his tongue swirling and rubbing and undulating over you.

He stays on his knees until you're steady, pressing kisses up your pubic bone to your belly button and breathing hard against your skin. When you feel less like you'll fall over, he gently eases your leg off his shoulder, stroking up your thighs and continuing higher as he stands.

You immediately pull him in for a kiss, moaning at your flavor in his mouth and sucking on his tongue. He groans and rubs his hard cock against your hip.

"What would you like?" You ask as you pull away only marginally, staying close enough to bump your mouth against his at the slightest movement.

He hums, leaning against you and the wall, his hands caressing your breasts. "Hand," he murmurs, drifting his mouth over your cheek.

"How about two?" You say, and he chuckles around a gasp as you take hold of him.

~

"Talk to me, Lucas. How are you doing?" From what you can tell, Lucas is doing much better with the showers. He agreed to take it easy with putting his head under and wait to be more comfortable in general with most of his body in the spray.

He shifts against you with a hum, skin sliding with soap and water. His hands squeeze your ass cheeks in the middle of spreading more soap. "I'm good. Really good." He leans in and nuzzles your ear, stubble scratching against your cheek. "This has helped a lot." He squeezes your ass again.

You laugh lightly and run soapy hands down his sides. "And the shower?"

"It's... It's better. It's a lot better." He hesitates a moment, running his hands up your back. "I don't know if I can ever go under without..."

His voice trails away and you look up at his troubled face. You shake your head, smiling reassuringly. "It's fine if you can't get that far." He opens his mouth and you know he's going to protest, so you cut him off, your voice firm. "Hey. Look how far you've come. That's great! Four months ago you couldn't even get in the bath."

"I could be further -"

"Yeah, you could be further." Lucas blinks at you, unsure how to take your words. "You could also be back where you were a week ago, or a month ago, or incapable of getting in the shower at all."

Lucas frowns thoughtfully, his hands moving restlessly over your shoulders. "I..."

You tug him down and kiss him softly, brushing your thumb over his cheek. "You are doing fine. I'm amazed and proud of where you are. Everybody works through things differently, baby."

"I'm... I'm doing fine," he parrots uncertainly.

"You are doing splendid and your girlfriend doesn't care a bit if you never make it under the spray, because she still has you and she loves you a whole lot." You lift your eyebrows at him expectantly, a tiny grin teasing at the corner of your mouth.

Lucas turns shy, glancing away briefly. "M'I s'posed to say all that?" He mumbles, playing with the ends of your hair.

You smile, leaning in to brush your lips across his. "Well, no, I suppose not. But I'd like you to believe it, especially the love part."

Humming, Lucas slowly kisses you and then rests his forehead against yours as he recites what you said, breathing a quiet _I love you, too_ in the scant space between you.

~

"Can I try something?" You ask hesitantly, just before you turn off the shower.

"Yes?" Lucas blinks in confusion, tilting his head to the side.

"It's... It involves you going under," you say quietly, and he stiffens like you thought he would. You move towards him, but don't reach out, afraid he'll pull away if you try. "Do you trust me?"

His eyes clear and he nods immediately, reaching to pull you to him. You relax against his chest. "With my life, darling. What did you have in mind?"

You press a kiss to his chest. "I want to see if the eyebrow thing makes any difference."

He's silent for a while, thinking it over. You let him have time, not wanting to rush him. Finally, he gives you a squeeze and says, "Okay."

You grin brightly and move back towards the spray, pulling him with you. Once there, you turn so his back is facing it, and you move one hand up, your thumb resting on his eyebrow. Your other hand you place on his chest. "Ready?"

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, then nods. "Yeah."

"You can hold on to me." You barely finish saying it when he grabs hold of you. One of his hands wraps around the wrist of your hand on his chest, the other grasping your opposite elbow. You smile and sweep your thumb over his tattoo. "Alright, move back, nice and easy."

His eyes slip closed as you start petting his eyebrow. He moves back, pausing after every step to take a couple of deep breaths. You don't care how long he takes, you only want to see if this helps him.

His breathing gets shaky and his grip on you tightens when the water is almost hitting the top of his head. You keep up the eyebrow stroking, but frown at him in concern. He takes another step back and sucks in a breath, but he doesn't let it out.

You bite your lip, unsure whether to stop this or not, waiting to see if he'll let the breath go after a few seconds. When he doesn't, you stroke his chest. "Lucas, breathe, baby."

The breath leaves him in a shuddery rush. Wanting him to be as grounded in the here and now as possible, you keep talking. "That's it, keep breathing for me, Lucas. You're doing so well, so well, honey. I'm so proud of you."

Lucas manages another minute before he presses closer to you. "Out, out," he gasps, and you quickly move back, pulling him out of the spray. He immediately rubs the water from his face, and then he crowds you against the wall and tucks his face into your neck.

You cup the back of his head and stroke his back, murmuring softly, "So good, you're so good, Lucas."

~

He still takes it slow with getting his head wet, but he handles it better and better each time, his breathing staying easy, though he shakes against you. It's so far from that first time that you really don't care if this is as far as he can make it. Even if he slips back a bit, you'll still be around for him, offering the comfort and support and sometimes restriction he needs.

You would have been content if all you had was wiping him down while standing in the middle of the bathroom, and you're immensely grateful that he wanted to try for something more.

"You're awfully thoughtful tonight," Lucas murmurs, brushing his fingers over your cheek. You're curled together in bed, fresh from a very successful shower (in many ways), skin and hair still a little damp.

You hum, squirming closer to him and rubbing your nose against his. "Yeah," you say quietly, blinking sleepily at him and offering a happy smile. "Just thinking about you, and bathing."

He grins and gives you a quick peck. "Both very excellent things to think about."

You giggle while shoving at his shoulder. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, your legs tangling together. Letting out a content sigh, you trace over the Ancient of Days on his chest. "I'm just glad I could help you," you whisper.

"I couldn't have done it without you," he says softly. "I knew it would be a lot easier if I could just hop in the shower for a quick wash, but on my own..." He frowns, absently running his hand through your hair. "It wasn't just for me, anymore. I wanted to give this to you, and with you helping me through it..."

Smiling brightly, you kiss him, soft and slow, reaching up to cup his cheek. "I will always be here to help you out, Lucas. Through good times and bad."

"Yeah?" He grins widely, tugging lightly on your hair. "We exchanging vows now?"

"If you'd like," you say cheekily, nipping at his chin. "I swear to have you and hold you, in sickness and health, through good times and bad, and death had better wait til we're old and grey before parting us."

With a chuckle, Lucas repeats your words, adding his own alteration to 'til death us do part.' "And I will do my utmost to ensure that death doesn't touch us until we're too old to move."

You wrinkle your nose. "I don't think I want to be that old. Where will I be when I can't move?"

"Stuck in bed with me," Lucas says, simple as that, his eyes bright and happy.

"Yeah, along with all our waste as well, since we can't move," you grumble, but a smile tugs at your lips.

Lucas chuckles and nuzzles you. "Shh, don't ruin the moment. It'll just be you and me, comfy and cozy all nestled together."

"Are we deaf, too? If we're too old to move?"

"Ruining it!" Lucas says loudly, rolling to put you under him as you laugh and wrap your arms tightly around him. You wouldn't mind meeting your end stuck in bed by his side, whether you're too old to move or not.

So long as it's a long ways off.


End file.
